Where Did John Go

Where Did John Go

My good friend John, where did you go?
It's been five years and we miss you so
You left one day without but a word
Why would you do that, you rotten turd?

The big beauty you met on the old internet
Convinced you to leave without any regret
You ran to Chicago and left us all behind
The things that you've done have been very unkind

Your location is secret, you've done that quite well
You're a scared little boy, that much we can tell
Your skills are amazing even though you are blind
You're big and you're fat, yet you're so hard to find