A Girlfriend for John?!

It seems that John may have a girl waiting for him if he ever decides to return home...

John Lathered Up

John being a funny man and lathering up in a blanket. There's no water, silly!

A Man of Steel

Jonathon Hill, a man made of steel
There isn't a man before whom he'd kneel
With an iron determination he left us one day
If it wasn't for a woman, we'd swear he was gay

T'was a big beauty with plenty of kids
John took on the challenge and now they're his
They respect him as a father and love their new dad
Even though underneath, John's but a wee lad

Come home to us John, we miss you so much
Your boyish charm and your feminine touch
You belong with your friends who never do you wrong
Come home you big asshole and we'll sing you a song

Come Home, Dammit!

A message from us to John.

A Touching Moment for Eric

Eric starts to break down when we ask him to share his thoughts about our friend John.

John Spotted at Fudge Factory

It comes as little surprise that John was seen near a fudge factory yesterday. One vigilant reader had been driving by the fudge store in Ontario, Canada and spotted a giddy John in the parking lot. Afraid to stop for obvious reasons, they snapped his picture and sent it in. If you live in this area, be on the look out for this experienced fudge packer.

How to Stop Premature Ejaculation: Review of 'Ejaculation Master'

Short and sweet, this is my review of 'Ejaculation Master' by Christian Gudnason.
To begin with, premature ejaculation has been a problem of mine in the past, so naturally the book appealed to me, however, I was a bit skeptical. I was unable to find a solution to my problem from my doctor, so I began to search for one online.

After a while, what I found was that my problem was likely more mental than physical (which was a relief). I found helpful tips and insights from free online forums and such, and was ultimately referred to this book by someone on one of the forums. I was glad I took his advice because the information in the book was vastly different than what I'd found online.

This book described ways that I could overcome this obstacle by practicing and applying the techniques within. What I liked about it was the way it was written. Very easy to understand and equally as easy to practice the advice given. What I like most of all is... it actually worked!

Like I said earlier, I was a bit skeptical of the book from the beginning, but I was so desperate that I decided I needed to give it a try. To make a long story short, after about nine years of struggling with premature ejaculation I was now able to control my urges. I am extremely happy to say that I haven't had a problem in a little over three years now.

As for the book itself, I would rate it as follows (1 being the lowest, 5 being the highest):

Clarity of writing - 4.5 out of 5
Ease of techniques - 5 out of 5
Value for money - 4.5 out of 5

Bottom line is: I recommend this book to anyone struggling with premature ejaculation. For the amount of useful information given it can't be beat.

Moral Support

Where Did John Go

Where Did John Go

My good friend John, where did you go?
It's been five years and we miss you so
You left one day without but a word
Why would you do that, you rotten turd?

The big beauty you met on the old internet
Convinced you to leave without any regret
You ran to Chicago and left us all behind
The things that you've done have been very unkind

Your location is secret, you've done that quite well
You're a scared little boy, that much we can tell
Your skills are amazing even though you are blind
You're big and you're fat, yet you're so hard to find

Anonymous Caller Tries to Reach Out to John

An anonymous caller has contacted us in hopes of reaching out to our friend John Hill.

A Message to John Hill

A message to a dear friend.

Our Friend John

John Hill is a wonderful man, now in his mid 30's. John left us in 2003 when he fled from Columbus, Ohio to Chicago. In doing this, he hurt us deeply. We don't understand why he did the things he did to ruin our friendship, but we do know one thing. We were told by the awful people he was staying with right before he left, that he had met the love of his life on the Internet and moved to be with her and her beautiful children.

John has made it clear that he wants nothing more to do with us, but we feel that these are not his true feelings. We strongly believe that he is being manipulated by the evil internet harlot, and being used for his body. We're using this blog as a message board to find our wayward friend and ask the community to help as well. Chances are that not many people will find this page, but it's possible that someone who knows something might stumble upon it.

As stated earlier, John T Hill is in his mid 30's. He's about 5' 9" or so, and at the time of his departure he had a large stomach that was seemingly growing larger. He's possible quite obese now and walks with the help of a cane which he uses to defend himself with as well.

John doesn't see well. He only has vision out of one eye, so getting close enough to snap his picture (to send in for verification purposes) will not be a challenge. If you happen to see this man, or know anything about his whereabouts, email us at FindJohnHill@hotmail.com with the information.

We know in our hearts that John is to blame for our falling out, and we'd just like an opportunity to see him once more to tell him this. Hopefully John will realize this and we can begin to rebuild our friendship. Any person that leads us to the reunion with our dear friend will be rewarded with the video game of their choice on any platform other that the Wii. We don't feel that the Wii is a very good system and therefor will not support it.